Today, I needed my best friend.
As I climbed down the stairs from my 3rd floor office, across the quad, and through the turnstile to the employee parking lot, I realized that I didn’t have my best friend. I didn’t have my best friend there to sit with me, heart and ears open, ready for me to unload weeks upon weeks of stress from school, work, and dancing. It’s been building up. My daily dump of the days quandaries have festered in a stagnant pool of rain gathered from the passing storms with brief moments of sunshine to evaporate some of the water away, just to fill up again as another storm arrives unexpectedly.
I have my outlets. Some outlets are better than others. I can go up to a friend, stand there quietly and he can already read what’s on my mind without me even saying anything. This even applies virtually made famous by my “Coach” with me simply saying “hi” in an instant message and from that he already knows something is wrong. Others, I’ll begin unloading my thoughts, but they don’t really have anything to say, but give a little notion of acknowledgement.
More and more now, I catch myself at work staring in the direction of the trees swaying in the wind. Most of the time I’m unaware of what’s present on the other side of the window. I’m too encapsulated in my thoughts, running scenarios in my head of how I should attack the rest of the day's workload without getting myself into trouble. Sometimes I wonder how I look to other people as they pass to go the copying machine. I know the scowling look on my face is most likely uninviting.
You probably miss that girl who always used to smile and giggle all the time. I know. I miss her too.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Excerpt Into My Past: My WNT's Back Then About Now
I was looking over some of my old writings and I came across an essay I wrote during my undergrad for ENGR100W:
~The first milestone in my academic and professional timeline is at the receipt of my mechanical engineering degree with a prominent career following. In addition, I see a Master’s in Business Administration after a few years of working in the industry, thus allowing me to rise in the ranks of a prestigious company. After I am satisfied with the income I have accumulated, along with smart investments that will set me for early retirement, I will end my academic career with a teaching degree at the high school level. Like my parents, I have always wanted to teach the young to become the great minds of our future. I believe that to be one of the world’s greatest investments.~
Wow! I'm pretty ambitious there with "rising in the ranks of a prestigious company." My view on that now is, why do I want to rise in the ranks? At work, I'm seeing what all those big boys and girls do and I'm not sure if I even want to touch the bureaucracy, the hand waving, the "make me look good" manipulation. I would be passionate to work in those ranks only if I felt like I was working toward a cause I truly believe in.
For the teaching degree, every now and then, I still cater the thought of doing that. Several weeks ago, I visited two elementary school classes in Milpitas and talked to them about engineering, my career so far, and the cool stuff that I've worked on. I had the kids do a team activity building rockets. They were great! I hope I left an impression on them to do well in school, to learn from failures (because they will happen), and to seek out the many opportunities that are available to them.
~While my academic and career goals are already set, on the other hand, my personal timeline is clouded by uncertainty. Ultimately, I would like to start my own family before the age of 30. With my husband, who ever he will be, I will be the best mother of five children. The only mark on this timeline I see clearly is the responsibility of returning the gratitude that my parents have given to me. They are the crutches to supporting me in reaching my goals and for that, if all goes well with my professional timeline, is to permanently retire them from many years of blue-collar work by paying off all their debts such as their house, so that they can finally relax and enjoy life.~
Dayum, 30! I wanted to start having kids before 30? My how time flies. I'll be 29 in three weeks! AND, I wanted five kids?! I don't know where I got that five from, but I think I'll just settle for three knowing how expensive kids can get.
I still wish that I could retire my parents. My dad has already retired, but my mom at 57 is still working. She says she's tired of working. It would be nice that she could just stay at home, relax, exercise, and cook and watch The Filipino Channel all day.
Wow, good thing not a lot of my goals have changed, but some of them were just too unrealistic!
~The first milestone in my academic and professional timeline is at the receipt of my mechanical engineering degree with a prominent career following. In addition, I see a Master’s in Business Administration after a few years of working in the industry, thus allowing me to rise in the ranks of a prestigious company. After I am satisfied with the income I have accumulated, along with smart investments that will set me for early retirement, I will end my academic career with a teaching degree at the high school level. Like my parents, I have always wanted to teach the young to become the great minds of our future. I believe that to be one of the world’s greatest investments.~
Wow! I'm pretty ambitious there with "rising in the ranks of a prestigious company." My view on that now is, why do I want to rise in the ranks? At work, I'm seeing what all those big boys and girls do and I'm not sure if I even want to touch the bureaucracy, the hand waving, the "make me look good" manipulation. I would be passionate to work in those ranks only if I felt like I was working toward a cause I truly believe in.
For the teaching degree, every now and then, I still cater the thought of doing that. Several weeks ago, I visited two elementary school classes in Milpitas and talked to them about engineering, my career so far, and the cool stuff that I've worked on. I had the kids do a team activity building rockets. They were great! I hope I left an impression on them to do well in school, to learn from failures (because they will happen), and to seek out the many opportunities that are available to them.
~While my academic and career goals are already set, on the other hand, my personal timeline is clouded by uncertainty. Ultimately, I would like to start my own family before the age of 30. With my husband, who ever he will be, I will be the best mother of five children. The only mark on this timeline I see clearly is the responsibility of returning the gratitude that my parents have given to me. They are the crutches to supporting me in reaching my goals and for that, if all goes well with my professional timeline, is to permanently retire them from many years of blue-collar work by paying off all their debts such as their house, so that they can finally relax and enjoy life.~
Dayum, 30! I wanted to start having kids before 30? My how time flies. I'll be 29 in three weeks! AND, I wanted five kids?! I don't know where I got that five from, but I think I'll just settle for three knowing how expensive kids can get.
I still wish that I could retire my parents. My dad has already retired, but my mom at 57 is still working. She says she's tired of working. It would be nice that she could just stay at home, relax, exercise, and cook and watch The Filipino Channel all day.
Wow, good thing not a lot of my goals have changed, but some of them were just too unrealistic!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Another Single Blog (Part II)
Last night, I put on my heels and raisin glaze lip gloss and hung out with my PASEr girls. Oh man, and you know when you get a bunch of girls together, we be talking and gossiping the night away!
The four of us that are single were exchanging juicy stories, strategizing what we should do with our crushes, updating each other on who broke up with who, who's looking and who's not. Being the women scientists and engineers that we are, we postulated the question, "Why does it seem like girls are actively looking and trying to attract the opposite sex while men our age aren't even looking or trying?" My answer to that was "40-Year-Old Virgin." Hey man, if guys don't step up, they're going to end up like that (example below)!
Let's face it, and this goes for both men and women, don't tell me you're too busy to date. If a guy or girl asks you to go out to coffee, then you go do it. Let's get organized people! You can hold off on that work assignment for a measely 30 minutes to an hour. That measley 30 minutes can lead to a second date, to a third date, and yeah, other things, if you can catch my drift. You think that bailing out on that opportunity to do overtime at work is going to get you that raise or promotion? Haha, yeah, dream on! Even if you did, what are you going to do with all that extra money anyway? Spend it on videos games when you could be having breakfast the morning after with your girl/boyfriend?
If you want to ask someone to go out for a drink or chit chat around the bend, but you're too scared, you know what, get your balls out of your purse and just do it. The worse thing they can say is no, right? Big deal! Still scared, bring a wingman or wingwoman with you, but please, dump the wingers after a couple "hanging out sessions." You don't want to give the impression that the crush is just a friend or a "nice guy" (NG). NG, the kiss of death, or how Wong Fu Productions would put it, it's like the scarlet letter.
Step it up people! And for those who are, keep your head up and continue on. Someone's sure to bite!
The four of us that are single were exchanging juicy stories, strategizing what we should do with our crushes, updating each other on who broke up with who, who's looking and who's not. Being the women scientists and engineers that we are, we postulated the question, "Why does it seem like girls are actively looking and trying to attract the opposite sex while men our age aren't even looking or trying?" My answer to that was "40-Year-Old Virgin." Hey man, if guys don't step up, they're going to end up like that (example below)!
Let's face it, and this goes for both men and women, don't tell me you're too busy to date. If a guy or girl asks you to go out to coffee, then you go do it. Let's get organized people! You can hold off on that work assignment for a measely 30 minutes to an hour. That measley 30 minutes can lead to a second date, to a third date, and yeah, other things, if you can catch my drift. You think that bailing out on that opportunity to do overtime at work is going to get you that raise or promotion? Haha, yeah, dream on! Even if you did, what are you going to do with all that extra money anyway? Spend it on videos games when you could be having breakfast the morning after with your girl/boyfriend?If you want to ask someone to go out for a drink or chit chat around the bend, but you're too scared, you know what, get your balls out of your purse and just do it. The worse thing they can say is no, right? Big deal! Still scared, bring a wingman or wingwoman with you, but please, dump the wingers after a couple "hanging out sessions." You don't want to give the impression that the crush is just a friend or a "nice guy" (NG). NG, the kiss of death, or how Wong Fu Productions would put it, it's like the scarlet letter.
Step it up people! And for those who are, keep your head up and continue on. Someone's sure to bite!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Live What You Wear (Part I)
Right now, I'm sitting with my seven grain bread peanut butter sandwich with the closet open in front of me. My wardrobe colors--black, dark blue, some white, browns, tan, more black. Hideous! No wonder I don't have a boyfriend.
A few days ago, after snoozing the alarm my usual 3 times, I rolled out of bed using my cell phone as a light to navigate to the lamp. After switching the light on, I quickly scanned my work garb. If I were to try to catch that guy's attention, most of these outfits I wouldn't even wear. To the left I saw a few tops that my mom brought back from the Philippines. I grabbed this deep red top from Kamiseta, a famous brand back home. The first time I tried this on about a year and a half ago, I couldn't even close the buttons together, but it fit perfectly!
At work that day, I sported my black pants and my fitted deep red collard blouse with a cute sash that tied in the back. I felt warm, cute, happy, like I had every reason to smile about! My coworkers bid me a few compliments on it too. One even called me the lady in red.
It was a nice spring day outside, so I took a walk over to another building to take care of some business. The rays of the sun felt soothing after this long awaited winter I couldn't help but smile. I bet those guys riding those yellow bikes on the sidewalk were wondering what the hell I had to smile about.
So wear whatever will make you happy! I'm not only talking about what's in your closet, but other things such as wearing a beautiful smile. I cannot stress enought how far a smile will go to enlighten someone's day. A kind smile to a friend, loved one, or a stranger is a gift so simple, yet priceless.
A few days ago, after snoozing the alarm my usual 3 times, I rolled out of bed using my cell phone as a light to navigate to the lamp. After switching the light on, I quickly scanned my work garb. If I were to try to catch that guy's attention, most of these outfits I wouldn't even wear. To the left I saw a few tops that my mom brought back from the Philippines. I grabbed this deep red top from Kamiseta, a famous brand back home. The first time I tried this on about a year and a half ago, I couldn't even close the buttons together, but it fit perfectly!
At work that day, I sported my black pants and my fitted deep red collard blouse with a cute sash that tied in the back. I felt warm, cute, happy, like I had every reason to smile about! My coworkers bid me a few compliments on it too. One even called me the lady in red.
It was a nice spring day outside, so I took a walk over to another building to take care of some business. The rays of the sun felt soothing after this long awaited winter I couldn't help but smile. I bet those guys riding those yellow bikes on the sidewalk were wondering what the hell I had to smile about.
So wear whatever will make you happy! I'm not only talking about what's in your closet, but other things such as wearing a beautiful smile. I cannot stress enought how far a smile will go to enlighten someone's day. A kind smile to a friend, loved one, or a stranger is a gift so simple, yet priceless.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Another Single Blog
My ass was glued to the chair, my eyes glassing over in front of the computer, and my pointer finger sore from clicking all these freaken cells on the Excel spreadsheet I've been working on all morning. I grabbed a dollar out of my purse and made my way to the soda machine for a nice boost of Diet Mountain Dew.
On my way down the hall, I caught my buddy walking my direction. "Wanna take a walk?" he said. Sure, it's a beautiful day outside. It's a shame being inside, chained to your desk when there's such a beautiful world out there, although it can be difficult to imagine if you're in one of those buildings with no windows. Sucks to be you. I have a nice view of the intersection in front of my building and watching people get tickets for jaywalking and cars honking at the guy stopped at the light for not turning right on a red. Idiots.
Me and my buddy made our way down the escalator. Me being attentive to protocol and common courtesy, I made a passageway standing behind my friend to allow other people to treckle down the escalator passed me.
It was a bit chilly coming out of the building entrance. We were in the massive shadow of the building blocking the rays of the sun. As we turned the corner, the warmth of the sun energized us for the walk. We made chit chat about his family, movies, Britney Spears. No room for my opinion about her here in my blog. To our right, we passed by these grey storage bins for those yellow bikes that everyone's having accidents on.
We continued on. I told him that I owe him lunch. He paid the last time we had lunch together. I keep tabs well when it comes to money. He said I shouldn't worry about it and that I shouldn't see it as I owe him, but see it rather simply as having lunch. He said I'm a genuine person. I try.
He asked about the ex, if there was any contact. Nope. I sure hope he doesn't. And if he does, then I'll have to get my friends' support to remind me not to go back. I told him the next guy I date has to be a good boy, stable, responsible. A family type of guy basically. I told him I'm 28. I'm in no rush.
He then told me a story about people who wait a long time to get married and marry people with "baggage." His friend and coworker married a divorcé with a child. He asked her why she married a man in that situation and she told him "All the good ones are taken."
I forget how we got into this conversation, but at first I was thinking he was trying to tell me something. I patted myself on the chest "I'm 28, I'm still young!"
Haha, I wonder how much longer I'll be claiming how young I am...haha...hum.
I eventually ended my journey back to my desk, popped open the Diet Mountain Dew, sipped it, trigger finger strategically placed on the mouse, ass conformed back into the chair, eyes in wonderment.
On my way down the hall, I caught my buddy walking my direction. "Wanna take a walk?" he said. Sure, it's a beautiful day outside. It's a shame being inside, chained to your desk when there's such a beautiful world out there, although it can be difficult to imagine if you're in one of those buildings with no windows. Sucks to be you. I have a nice view of the intersection in front of my building and watching people get tickets for jaywalking and cars honking at the guy stopped at the light for not turning right on a red. Idiots.
Me and my buddy made our way down the escalator. Me being attentive to protocol and common courtesy, I made a passageway standing behind my friend to allow other people to treckle down the escalator passed me.
It was a bit chilly coming out of the building entrance. We were in the massive shadow of the building blocking the rays of the sun. As we turned the corner, the warmth of the sun energized us for the walk. We made chit chat about his family, movies, Britney Spears. No room for my opinion about her here in my blog. To our right, we passed by these grey storage bins for those yellow bikes that everyone's having accidents on.
We continued on. I told him that I owe him lunch. He paid the last time we had lunch together. I keep tabs well when it comes to money. He said I shouldn't worry about it and that I shouldn't see it as I owe him, but see it rather simply as having lunch. He said I'm a genuine person. I try.
He asked about the ex, if there was any contact. Nope. I sure hope he doesn't. And if he does, then I'll have to get my friends' support to remind me not to go back. I told him the next guy I date has to be a good boy, stable, responsible. A family type of guy basically. I told him I'm 28. I'm in no rush.
He then told me a story about people who wait a long time to get married and marry people with "baggage." His friend and coworker married a divorcé with a child. He asked her why she married a man in that situation and she told him "All the good ones are taken."
I forget how we got into this conversation, but at first I was thinking he was trying to tell me something. I patted myself on the chest "I'm 28, I'm still young!"
Haha, I wonder how much longer I'll be claiming how young I am...haha...hum.
I eventually ended my journey back to my desk, popped open the Diet Mountain Dew, sipped it, trigger finger strategically placed on the mouse, ass conformed back into the chair, eyes in wonderment.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Ramiele, That Was OFF DA HOOK!
Hooold up ladies and gentlemen! Ramiele Malubay was off da hook! Ramiele sang "You Don't Have to Say You Love me." She started off slow and mysterious and built up the voice, added an accent with the head toss over the shoulder, and she blew the judges away!
Man, earlier in the show Simon was being really brutal with the usual no mercy attitude. I was holding my breath when it got to Simon's comments. He rolled over like a little dog in submission showing his belly admitting to Ramiele that at first he wasn't impressed, but this evening, she out sang all the girls!
Girlfriend looked good too. Loved the hair and make-up, loved the shoes!
Did you catch that one bitchy girl in the background with the queen bee look like she wanted to destroy Ramiele? Haha, no way man, Ramiele blew 'em away! Vote, vote, vote! We got to see more of her!
Man, earlier in the show Simon was being really brutal with the usual no mercy attitude. I was holding my breath when it got to Simon's comments. He rolled over like a little dog in submission showing his belly admitting to Ramiele that at first he wasn't impressed, but this evening, she out sang all the girls!
Girlfriend looked good too. Loved the hair and make-up, loved the shoes!
Did you catch that one bitchy girl in the background with the queen bee look like she wanted to destroy Ramiele? Haha, no way man, Ramiele blew 'em away! Vote, vote, vote! We got to see more of her!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Looking to the Future, With a Smile
I found a message in my Facebook recently from an old high school friend I haven't seen for almost ten years. The picture on his profile was taken at his recent wedding. Beautiful! I'm very happy for him and his new wife.
At 28 years old, several of my friends are already married, in long term relationships, or like me, enjoying life as a singleton. I'm enjoying this time to myself and I'm going to take advantage of that time until I'm ready again to share it with another person.
Sometimes when my thoughts are not encapsulated in work, school, or dancing, I try to imagine what more blessings will come my way. Will I be getting that condo I've been waiting for? Will I get that promotion? Will I ever stop going to school? But I still like to imagine who I'm going to raise my kids with. Are my kids going to look more like me or my husband? I try to imagine the look on my parents' faces when my kids come running in the house I grew up in and jump up to kiss and greet their grandparents.
I smile. I smile and look forward to the future and what blessings it will bring. I've been so blessed thus far and right now, I'm going to enjoy and party as much as possible until then!
People who I've come across with who have kids tell me to enjoy the time I have now as much as possible. Enjoy it before getting married and having kids because there won't be much "me" time. It's all about raising the family well. Imagine that? Smelly diapers, crying kids, husband not listening to you. I don't really like to include those thoughts in my future forecast, but I welcome that too because I know it's not going to be easy.
So until then, live your life to the fullest and take care of "you!" Go out and have fun, try new things, and meet and learn from new people. Don't fear or fathom over what's going to happen later on. It'll come. Just enjoy and welcome the blessings that will come to you.
At 28 years old, several of my friends are already married, in long term relationships, or like me, enjoying life as a singleton. I'm enjoying this time to myself and I'm going to take advantage of that time until I'm ready again to share it with another person.
Sometimes when my thoughts are not encapsulated in work, school, or dancing, I try to imagine what more blessings will come my way. Will I be getting that condo I've been waiting for? Will I get that promotion? Will I ever stop going to school? But I still like to imagine who I'm going to raise my kids with. Are my kids going to look more like me or my husband? I try to imagine the look on my parents' faces when my kids come running in the house I grew up in and jump up to kiss and greet their grandparents.
I smile. I smile and look forward to the future and what blessings it will bring. I've been so blessed thus far and right now, I'm going to enjoy and party as much as possible until then!
People who I've come across with who have kids tell me to enjoy the time I have now as much as possible. Enjoy it before getting married and having kids because there won't be much "me" time. It's all about raising the family well. Imagine that? Smelly diapers, crying kids, husband not listening to you. I don't really like to include those thoughts in my future forecast, but I welcome that too because I know it's not going to be easy.
So until then, live your life to the fullest and take care of "you!" Go out and have fun, try new things, and meet and learn from new people. Don't fear or fathom over what's going to happen later on. It'll come. Just enjoy and welcome the blessings that will come to you.
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