I Needed My Best Friend

Today, I needed my best friend.

As I climbed down the stairs from my 3rd floor office, across the quad, and through the turnstile to the employee parking lot, I realized that I didn’t have my best friend. I didn’t have my best friend there to sit with me, heart and ears open, ready for me to unload weeks upon weeks of stress from school, work, and dancing. It’s been building up. My daily dump of the days quandaries have festered in a stagnant pool of rain gathered from the passing storms with brief moments of sunshine to evaporate some of the water away, just to fill up again as another storm arrives unexpectedly.

I have my outlets. Some outlets are better than others. I can go up to a friend, stand there quietly and he can already read what’s on my mind without me even saying anything. This even applies virtually made famous by my “Coach” with me simply saying “hi” in an instant message and from that he already knows something is wrong. Others, I’ll begin unloading my thoughts, but they don’t really have anything to say, but give a little notion of acknowledgement.

More and more now, I catch myself at work staring in the direction of the trees swaying in the wind. Most of the time I’m unaware of what’s present on the other side of the window. I’m too encapsulated in my thoughts, running scenarios in my head of how I should attack the rest of the day's workload without getting myself into trouble. Sometimes I wonder how I look to other people as they pass to go the copying machine. I know the scowling look on my face is most likely uninviting.

You probably miss that girl who always used to smile and giggle all the time. I know. I miss her too.